The whole world--and by "the whole world" I mean seven undergraduates in the Political Science department of Georgetown University--is abuzz with speculation about what Hillary Clinton will say in her acceptance speech on Thursday at the Democratic National Convention.
I, of course, can tell you exactly what she is going to say; but even better than that, I can and will tell you exactly what she should say; namely, the following:
"Thank you! Thank you so much! It's such an honor to be hear speaking to you tonight. I especially want to thank those of you who have learned that my favorite baseball player growing up was the legendary Baltimore Orioles first baseman, Boog Powell. Those chants of "Boog! Boog!" just now really warmed my heart.
I have a lot to say about what has made this country so great, and what we can and will do together to make it greater still, but first I want to express my appreciation and respect for some of the wonderful people who have already spoken here these last four days. Michelle Obama. When I grow up, that's who I want to be.
Ernest Hemingway defined courage as grace under pressure. I think beauty is also grace under pressure; and integrity is grace under pressure. And if anyone ever wants to see the embodiment of courage, beauty, integrity and grace, their best course of action is to look at Michelle Obama. Thank you, Michelle, for your friendship and your example.
And I hope all of you were here to listen to Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders. If so, you understand what the Democratic Party in 2016 is all about, and why I am so proud to be a part of that party. We are about the ideals of equality and opportunity, of community and commitment to public service, of the belief that those of us who have had the chance to prosper in this great country should give back to society and community. I know I can speak for Bill and myself, but also for Elizabeth and Bernie, when I say that America has been unbelievable great and generous to us. We have achieved things that could not have happened anywhere else. And it is a shame--it is a sin--when politicians say that we who have profited so much from what America has provided to us should not be asked to give more back to America. Wealth in the service of more wealth is not admirable; it is not enviable; it is not an America value. It is the system of kings and barons and earls that we rejected over two hundred years ago when American patriots created a new republic; a republic like none before. A republic founded on the ideal of equality.
And while I am thanking the prior speakers at this convention, I want to express my greatest thanks to the Man of My Dreams, the Man who Captured My Heart all those years ago and holds it still, the one, the only, Barack Obama. (pause) What? (pause) Did you think I had someone else in mind?
Seriously, though, how is it possible not to be a little in love with President Obama? Talk about great leadership; talk about courage; talk about a vision of a better America, and fighting every day to achieve that vision. Barack, I don't know what plans you have for yourself after next January, but if you want a chance to travel and see the world, I have an opening for a Secretary of State. (pause) I even have a private email account set up for you.
And now, I really do want to thank Bill and Chelsea. I've always known that they have believed in me, but even more importantly, that they have believed in the importance of standing up for the rights of children, of women, of religious minorities, of people who have been demeaned because of their skin color, their sexuality or their ethnicity. Knowing that Bill and Chelsea were with me in spirit always has made things possible that I could never have done alone.
So now let's talk about the things I believe in, and how we are going to make them happen. Most of these are not new things. They are things we fought for in the first Clinton Administration. (pause) Sounds good, doesn't it--the first Clinton Administration? And they are things we continued to fight for under Barack Obama's leadership. So we know that the opposition is strong--there are vested interests who profit from making wealth, privilege and opportunity scarce commodities, available only to a limited number of their own friends and family. But they are about to get a rude awakening. A few months ago, Ali Davis on the website bitterempire.com posted an analysis of "The Presidential Candidates Ranked by Their Usefulness in a Bar Fight." Care to guess who was Number One? (pause) Yep. That's right. You're lookin' at her."
That's not the end of her speech, but the rest of it I'm sharing only with Hillary. Well, actually, only with Hillary and Boog Powell.

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